 Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Staff are eating with the firefighters. The Chief said the fire is 10-11 thousand acres and moving away from us. The border closest to us is mostly secure and is about 7 miles away. Today is my day off, but I am serving at guest breakfast 8-9 because we are short-handed. It gives me something to do. There was no room for me on a ride. This morning, I sat around and talked to Penny and Savia. Penny grew up in Ireland, near Belfast. She is now married and lives near London. Savia is Italian, married to an American and lives in Connecticut. They told me to have the confidence to do what I want, to be confident in myself, and that nothing is more attractive than a confident woman. They said these are things they didn’t learn until their 30s and 40s, but wished they knew in their 20s. In the afternoon, a little before 1:00, the three of us started up the canyon. About 2:00, they turned back and I kept going. I went over the hill and followed the trail to the road. I went down the road 5-10 minutes and saw a sign that said Soda Lake was 1 mile back. I walked down the connecting road a little to see how far I was from the ranch. It looked like I could walk it in less than an hour, so I turned around and went to Soda Lake. It was nice, but small, almost a pond. The ground was littered with broken glass and cigarette butts. I got back to the ranch around 4:30. On the Soda Lake road, I saw one print in the middle of the road, but I couldn’t find any others like it. It was almost wider than my two spread hands. I drew it and Wes said it was a bear print.
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 Sunday, August 20, 2006
Today I worked 6:30-1 and 5-8:30. I only slept for 1.5-2 hours this afternoon, compared to 3 hours yesterday. The fire is still going. It’s up to 85,000 acres. The encampment of firefighters on the hills is breaking up. Only the helicopter division is staying. Starting Monday, they will eat breakfast and supper here and we will send packed lunches with them. It was 30* F this morning, but hot in the afternoon. I sent my check home so that Mom can deposit it for me.  Thursday, August 17, 2006
Last night, a dog whined and barked all night. At 6:00 this morning, she was scratching and whining at my door. I peeked out and saw a basset hound. The door opening really set her off. I found out at breakfast that her name is Sophy and she belongs to the ranch above us. Her front right paw is at an angle and all her nails are at least almost 2 inches long. I wish I had had a tape recorder last night. One of her barks is the perfect example of what staccato quarter notes should sound like.  Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Keith had chocolate chip pancakes and chocolate French toast with strawberry sauce for breakfast. Dad sent me an email through the ranch. That was embarrassing. Why didn’t he email me directly? In it, he promises me a package. I was going to call home, but realized at 7:00 a.m. that they’d probably be in bed. I made a slideshow of family pictures and added music. I also made one of my trip and one of nature pictures. I’ve been practicing flute for an hour nearly every day. I’m quickly getting back into condition. I actually like practicing technical stuff, including with a tuner, again. You could say I’ve wasted a year and a half, but I think a lot of good things have come from the break, assuming I keep going like I’ve started this month.  Tuesday, August 15, 2006
They are starting to put out the wildfire. I can see their camp on a hillside to the west. My hands aren’t cracking quite as bad, but they still have cracks and feel like fine-grain sandpaper on the backs. I’ve been using lotion and petroleum jelly for the cracks. Wes 2, the fisherman, said to put petroleum jelly all over my hands and let it soak in and to use a good-quality lotion. I’ve tried the jelly yesterday and today and it helps. Keith was quite talkative and congenial today. He even caught himself once and changed sh** to cr**. He said that I would do well here in the winter. We had very good homemade pizza for lunch. There were only 7 staff members present, so there was plenty to eat and cleanup was easy. At breakfast, Sam asked the wranglers about the bag of coins I found yesterday. Nobody knew anything about it. Now I have a bag of coins, pills, and a bottle of gloves. All but the coins will go in the trash. Summer staff are leaving, a few at a time, depending on when their colleges start.  Monday, August 14, 2006
Today is my sister’s birthday. I was really missing her yesterday. In the more than 5 years since I went to college in September 2000, I haven’t missed her or felt sad that we were apart on our birthdays like I did yesterday. When I went on my walk last night, I heard several more coyote howls and barks. I can pretend they are for me because I don’t speak much and keep silence on what I feel. On my walk today, I saw a bag of coins with a hole in the corner. I followed the trail of pennies, picking them up. It looked like they might have come off of the horse trail that runs into the road. I brought the bag back and gave it to Sam. I just got mail from Mom and Dad - my first letter here!  Saturday, August 12, 2006
It’s hard to believe I’ve been here for 12 days - nearly half a month! This morning the valley was so thick with smoke that I couldn’t see the western hills. By 11:00, the wind changed and within the hour the smoke was clear. I worked 6:30-2:30. By 1:00, I was so tired that I felt sick. As soon as I got off at 2:30, I brushed my teeth and went to bed until 4:30. Now, I am doing laundry and running the car for 10 minutes so that it doesn’t die on me.  Friday, August 11, 2006
I spent the morning rearranging and cleaning. My roommate moved into the other room, so I have this space to myself. I practiced for over an hour. I think Thursday supper, the southwest buffet, is my favorite. There are strips of chicken with onion and pepper, black beans, rice, and all kinds of toppings. We have cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, salsa, tomato and onion thick salsa, freshly made guacamole, and maybe jalapeños or black olives or whatever else the cook prepares. There are corn and flour tortillas and corn chips, tortilla style, but I usually just eat the fillings because it is easier.  Thursday, August 10, 2006
The air was thick with smoke this morning. I thought the fire might be in the west because the smoke was so thick there. Really, it is 5-6 miles east of here. At supper, I had to bring a bottle of wine to a table of English guests. I’ve never had to bring out the bottle before, so I wasn’t sure what to do with the cork. We had opened the bottle in the kitchen. I put the bottle on the table. They said “thank you” and started talking. I stood there holding the cork for a few seconds thinking, “Do I set it on the table? Hand it to them? Put it in the bottle?” In the end, I asked, “Do you want the cork?” They took it and that was that. It probably wasn’t the most polite phraseology, but it had to come to the point where I had to do something or leave.  Wednesday, August 9, 2006
We had a cookout for the guests last night and Robert the Mountain Man came and gave a talk. He belongs to an organization of about 600 who practice the skills of mountain men and sometimes live the lifestyle. Robert came riding in, whopping and speaking what I guess is an Indian language. He is dressed in buckskin and his face is covered in red and black paint. He talks about the history and life of mountain men, showing the tools, springing a trap, and shooting a rifle. He also tells stories about mountain men from the 1800s. The guests seem to enjoy him. It gets boring for the staff, but the guests’ reactions can be amusing. The two times I’ve seen him, they have asked some intelligent questions. I had today off and went on a 4-hour ride led by Wes, one of the older wranglers. We had lunch at a cowboy cabin that hasn’t been used in some years. Wes caught me crying. In a way, I don’t mind because he was really nice about it and I think he’ll keep his own council. I just hope he believes me that it had nothing to do with him. I don’t know what was wrong. Same thing as always since I got here - an unexplained emotional switch. We saw several antelope, including a baby. We also saw some skeletons. They looked like something out of a dinosaur movie. (Then again, I’ve never actually seen a dinosaur movie.) On the way back, we had a lot of wind and that was therapeutic. Still, it’s taken a good nap to get me back even. I don’t want to blame the emotional swings on lack of sleep. I get 7-8 hours at night and 1-2 most afternoons. At summer camp, I would work off of 5-7 hours and be tired, but emotionally fine. Who knows? Ezra, another cook, is really nice. He’s never scolded or made fun of me and he’s always glad to help. Yesterday, I was trying to open a box of wine bottles and bent my nail back past the quick. He stopped what he was doing, even though I know he was super busy, and opened the box for me. When he saw I was bleeding, he ran all over the lodge and then up to his room to get me a Band-Aid. Then he helped me open and re-cork the bottle.  Tuesday, August 8, 2006
I wanted to practice this morning, but figured if people were sleeping upstairs, they wouldn’t appreciate that. Woke up at 6:00 to thunder and lightning. The wind and storm were from the east this morning. The hummingbirds at the feeders seem to multiply. We now have eight. I guess they went and told their friends where the food is. There are some green flowers on the bushes below the feeders, and the birds eat from them, too. My punctuation grammar seems to be getting worse. All these people have seen coyote, fox, moose, elk, and bear. I’m jealous. I haven’t seen much. Not even a rabbit. I know I’ve only been here a week and haven’t been on the trails much, but I wanna see stuff, too. It’s August and I’m using a heater. It was expected, but knowing and experiencing are two different things, sometimes. What will this winter be like?  Monday, August 7, 2006
I worked 2:30-Close today. I’m doing laundry now. I got up at 5:30; I decided to keep to a schedule. I can get a nap after lunch. Last night my roommate brought a boy in. They were going out and it was barely a minute, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, even though she knew I was in bed. The problem came when, a little after 4:00 a.m., they came in, stumbling drunk by the sounds of it, and both got into her bed. For once I was glad for the top bunk. Feeling the earthquake was bad enough. I didn’t want to see it. I got little sleep after that, but when the alarm went off at 5:30, I was ready to get out of the room. I’m glad the bathroom door locks. I sped through getting ready. By 6:15, I was standing in the tool room, out of the wind, writing a letter and waiting for 6:30 when I knew the lodge would be open. I came back to the room at 7:30 and my roommate was leaving, but the boy was still sleeping. I didn't even make a pretense of being quiet. It was rude for him to come. He’s not an arranged guest, and it’s high time he was gone. I want to know next time she thinks she might bring a boy over at night so that I can make other arrangements for myself, if possible. A lot of guests wanted beer today. I was serving alone and the afternoon was hectic. At least with beer, you just have to find the right bottle and make sure it’s cold. I don’t really like working with Kevin, the cook. I never know what will set him off. He never says anything that’s not his right to say and he’s not rude, but it feels like he’s picking on me. I try not to take it personally, but I’m always on edge when working with him. We had a filling lunch, for once. We were able to get seconds and dessert.  Sunday, August 6, 2006
I worked 6:30 - 2:30. I served the staff breakfast alone. It worked out well. After we cleaned up from the guest breakfast, I helped with housekeeping. All the guests left this morning and new ones are coming today. Check-in is after 4:00. We have a family of 6 and one of 5 coming together. I know we’ll have more guests this week, but I’m not sure when they’re arriving. I practiced flute for an hour today, taking advantage of the absence of all the girls. I’m abominably out of condition. I cleaned our room as best as I could. I need to buy some cleaning supplies. I had an hour nap. I am not tired. Sitting here, though, I could go motionless on the doorstep, absorbing sun and wind and not thinking of anything and somehow thinking more deeply than with conscious thought. Lovers of much activity and excitement would, I think, have trouble here. Sure, work is work and it can be slow or busy, routine or interesting, as the day comes. Afterwards, though, one is left to one’s own devices, and the pace is slower than anywhere else I’ve been before. Lots of flies here, all of different sizes.  Saturday, August 5, 2006
I took a 2-hour nap again today. I worked the opening and closing shifts. I hung out with the wranglers for an hour and watched them build a fence. The days all seem the same. The name of the day doesn’t make a difference. I don’t like it when people make me be sociable like they did last night. “Come sit close to us.” “Come up to the room and be sociable.” Please! Just leave me alone. I’ll be sociable when I want to. I had to take a long walk afterwards to be anywhere near relaxed enough to sleep. For good politics and civility, I tried, but I’d rather be alone. If it were guests, I could perform, but I shouldn’t have to perform on my off time. Although I am quickly coming to love this land, I still don’t like all the open spaces and how long and hard it is to get out of sight and into some privacy.  Friday, August 4, 2006
I took orders at breakfast. No major problems. It wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. It’s hard knowing if I’m doing a satisfactory job, but I’m getting used to just doing something because it seems like it needs to be done and then if I later get asked to do it, not taking it to mean that I did it poorly the first time. They probably just didn’t realize I had already done it. I’m so tired, but it’s too late for a nap now. I took a walk through the prairie. Is that what you call it? I’m not sure what to call the flatlands between the mountains. I think I saw Indian paintbrush and blue lupine. I need a book to read. I need to find my writing paper. I want to write Mom and Dad a letter, especially since email here is almost impossible. It’s an hour a a half until supper. It’s too cloudy to go walking. I don’t want to get caught in the rain. I need something to do. There’s no privacy to practice the flute. I only have a book of poems and poetry isn’t engaging like a story. I need a novel.  Thursday, August 3, 2006
It’s 3:15 p.m. and I just woke up from a 2-hour nap. My roommates are very noisy and stay up late. I worked 6:30-10:30 and have another shift from 6:00-10:00 today. They want me to get experience serving breakfast and dinner. Lunch is easy. Everyone gets the same thing. They sit down and you give them a plate. Taking orders is intimidating. Today has been good because I was allowed to actually do things, but I always had someone to ask if I wasn’t sure I was doing it right. Tonight, supper is a buffet, but people might order wine. I know nothing about wine. This seems to be a wild land where people live in and with nature instead of having a myriad of accommodations to keep away from nature as much as possible. Alex is running in circles, trying to round up and herd the wild birds. It doesn’t seem to be working.  Wednesday, August 2, 2006
I came to Gone Ridin’ Ranch yesterday. It rained in the morning, so I met Sam, the manager, when he was in town picking up guests and I followed him in. I probably would have nearly gotten lost if I hadn’t, but then again, he gave me good directions. They didn’t want me to work yesterday, so I wandered around and met people. Today, I was on the 6:30-2:30 shift, shadowing a waitress and housekeeper, which is what I’ll be doing. The waitressing work is overwhelming and a little frightening. I know I can do it. Maybe tomorrow will be better because I’ve had an introduction. Off time is just as hard. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as lost and lonely and out-of-place as I have on this trip. Adventuring is not exciting. It’s nerve wracking. Then again, without an element of the unknown, the excitement is of a different kind. When you look forward to something, that’s excitement. What’s this other feeling? Yesterday was rainy and cold. This morning at 6:30, it was 34 F and there was a frost. In August! This land is beautiful. The people are nice. The job is daunting. I am a musician. When will my interests, talents, and core being combine? What can I do to make it happen? As yet, I have no dream, only vague ideas and points of greater or lesser interest. As I was writing, Alex, the dog, lay down and let me pet her for a long time. It was just what I needed.  Monday, July 31, 2006
I arrived in Jackson Hole around 11:30 and checked into The Bunkhouse. $25 a night. It’s my first time staying in a hostel. I’m not sure I feel safe sleeping open to strangers, but it’s what I can afford. Plus, isn’t staying in a hostel a sort of rite of passage for 20-something travelers? Jackson and Jackson Hole look like one town to me. Last night, a mother and two fawns ran on the hill above my site. They came quite close, paying no attention to me. I heard an animal walking in the night. I was so scared it might be a bear, even though I know what bear scat looks like (I think) and I didn’t see any. My brain told me I was hearing deer, but my other brain told me that it was a bear or that biker. I wish I had a window in my tent. The only way to see outside with the rainfly on is to unzip the front door and go out. This morning, I saw deer scat. I know it was only deer last night, but my brain still thinks it was a bear. I would never admit that out loud, though. At The Bunkhouse, this guy who looks like he’s in his 30-40s keeps chatting to me. I probably wouldn’t have talked to him, except he started by helping me find a parking place because he works here. I don’t know how much I can talk to him without giving him the wrong idea. I don’t mind some friendly conversation, but that’s all I want, and men seem to think “hello” means “I want to flirt with you.” Being much older than me doesn’t seem to make a difference. Men are too stressful to chat with.  Sunday, July 30, 2006
I started the morning by sleeping in until 6:00. The drive started in beautiful Medicine Bow-Routt National Forest. Later, I went through the Red Desert. The hills have a white strip across them, and the tops of the hills are in interesting shapes. It’s not all sand and there are no cactus that I saw. It looked pretty much like the ranges, except for the hills. The mountains in Wyoming don’t seem as high as the Smoky Mountains. They seem more foothill size. I’m sure the elevation is higher and some mountaintops have patches of snow, but from the base to the top doesn’t look as far. I’m camping at Fremont Lake Campground. This biker came by three times, looking for his side cover. I have no idea what that is, but it’s what he said. According to him, most motorcycles don’t have it. He seems proud of the fact that his does (or did). The third time by, he said he found it. We chatted a bit like people do in a campground. He looks like he’s in his 40s. Then he asked me if I wanted a ride to see the sunset from the top of some hill. I said no, thanks. He said, “Are you sure? I’m a Christian biker, and I have references. I’ve got friends here.” I said no again. At that point, I wanted him to leave, but I didn’t know how to stop the conversation. I sat at the picnic table and started writing again. He chatted a bit and I grunted responses, keeping one eye on him. Eventually he left. If he hadn’t asked me if I was alone, I might have been friendlier. My campsite is across the road from the lake. It’s isolated from everyone, but there are two RVs down the road. Maybe this campsite wasn’t the best choice, but I didn’t want to be in the middle of RV Town, and I wanted some shade. It’s hard to believe this trip is almost over. It seems like it just started.  Saturday, July 29, 2006
Today wasn't a bad drive. It was shorter than I expected. Even at 12:30, the campgrounds were almost full. That makes me nervous for tomorrow with a longer drive and sunrise not until 6:00-6:30. I made friends with a family from Colorado. I asked them about regional cultural differences between this part of the US and the East. It seems like anyone who isn’t me knows those things. They weren’t particularly helpful. They just said that people are people, no matter where you are. I know there have to be differences in how phrases are understood and slang that is used, things like that. I don’t know how else to ask about it though. It’s pretty here. Libby Creek runs just down the hill. There are grasshoppers that look like tiny yellow dragonflies. They click when they fly. The town of Centennial is nearby and has a population of 100. I’ve never seen such a tiny town. Wyoming is pretty, but it’s odd to see mountains that aren’t covered in trees. The people in this campground seem to want to take care of me. The Colorado family offered me chicken and rice. I was scared about taking food from strangers and declined. The people with the five nephews offered me a hamburger, but I didn’t take it because I hadn’t really met them. How do you know when people are safe and when they are trying to drug you to kidnap you? Today has been the best day of the trip, although the afternoon would have dragged if I hadn’t been able to chat with the family from Colorado. I did enjoy a nice nap.  Friday, July 28, 2006
When I got up at 5:00, I could see stars through the trees. Nebraska doesn’t have signs for the state parks until you get off the interstate and drive a ways. I hadn’t printed a MapQuest map and didn’t remember which road to turn on and kept looking for brown signs. I saw plenty for museums and other attractions, but none for the parks. When I had passed the cities I knew they were around, I stopped at the next rest area and looked at the atlas. Yep, I’d passed all the parks on my list as possible camping places. There was a park listed off of the next exit, so I headed that way. I managed to find it, and it would have been a pretty drive through some hills and then about two miles of dirt road, but I was ready to find someplace and stop. Well, to stay at the park, you need a park permit which can only be gotten in Cozad, but the sign doesn’t say where in Cozad. I went to plan B. I drove to Cozad and got a motel room. I’m deeply disappointed not to be camping. I wanted to say that I camped my way all the way from NC to WY. Can’t be helped, though. And now I’m nervous about what will happen in WY tomorrow. I can’t afford to keep staying in motels! Nebraska seems to be nothing but mostly-flat cornfields. At least Iowa and Missouri had hills and a little variety. The Nebraska speed limit is 75 MPH. I guess they figure you’ll want off those long, straight roads as soon as possible. It’s 8:00 and I’m tired, but I have to wait for the dryer to stop. I figured I’d take advantage of the $0.50 a load. I have to keep focusing on today, even on just this moment, or I start to feel overwhelmed and lost. I’m worried about finding a place to camp tomorrow. I wish I had internet access to check on permits. I see some campgrounds listed in Medicine Bow National Forest. I have a destination. I have to stop thinking about it now. I’ve covered so much ground in so little time, all the land seems to run together. I don’t remember much of what I thought on the way. I don’t feel brave for taking this trip alone. I feel lonely and out of place. I had no idea it would be this bad. Today, I was physically nervous thinking about having to learn a new campground and deal with a new host. I miss the tall, thick forests of the Carolinas. Maybe I just miss the security of the familiar.  Thursday, July 27, 2006
I got up at 5:00, ate breakfast, broke camp, and was on the road by 7:45. I drove out of Kentucky, through Illinois, and into Missouri. I’m staying at Graham Cave State Park, Site 27. I got here at 5:00, but there was no time to find the cave or explore the park. At one gas stop, I paid $3.08 per gallon! I’ve never paid that much for gas! I spent about two hours at the Arch in St. Louis. I felt so uncomfortable driving into and parking in a city. I was scared I parked my car in a bad spot and it would get stolen, but as far as I could tell, that was the lot to park in to visit the Arch. It was $6 for parking. Is paying for parking normal? That’s so much money! The Arch was expensive, too - $10. It seems appropriate to visit the Gateway to the West when you’re traveling west. The tram to the top was cramped and jerky, which made it scary. I did not like it. At the top, the windows were dirty and the view was nothing special. St. Louis is an ugly city. I’ve blown my budget for the day, but I figure if I’m driving all this way, I might as well see some sights. I’ll have to watch my pennies for the rest of the week. It’s really raining now. Thankfully, I got the tent up before the drizzle started. Thankfully, it was dry enough that I could make supper and eat. Now I’m stuck under the picnic table. At least it has a cover over it so I can sit here instead of in the tent or in the car. The campground attendant makes me nervous. I’ll be sleeping with my knife near my hand.  Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I was on the road by 7:45 and drove until 6:00 p.m. Of course, I stopped for gas and quick breaks, but I was trying to get in as many miles as I could. My goal was to reach Electric* Lake State Park in Kentucky. I made it and set up camp, but it was too late to see why the lake is called “electric.” Reception is bad and I need to save minutes on my prepaid phone, but I managed to get a call through to Mom and let her know I’m okay. Supper was a little lonely. I don’t know why. I’m used to eating alone. It’s time for bed. I was up at 5:00 and my body thinks it’s after 9:00, although my watch says differently now that I’m in Central Time Zone. *I miswrote this in my journal. I stayed at Energy Lake Campground.  Tuesday, July 25, 2006
When Mom and I hugged goodnight, I inexplicably burst into tears and cried for 15 minutes. I was so embarrassed and couldn’t figure out how to explain! I saw Dad look into my room and Mom short of shake her head that I was okay. This is supposed to be a fun adventure! Instead, I mostly just wish I had a friend to experience it with. I worked for 14.5 hours today, getting ready to leave early tomorrow. Well, not early by Dad’s standards. I clearly remember getting up at 3:00 a.m. for road trips when I was growing up. Early for me is before 8:00. I wonder if I’ve spent so much time planning logistics and packing that I haven’t had time to reflect and mentally prepare for leaving on such a big adventure? What would that even look like, though? I could wait a day and leave the day after tomorrow. That could give me time to rest from the long day today. Naw. Now that it’s time to go, it’s time to leave. Leaving tomorrow will give me some wiggle room in my schedule, too. |
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Jill Hames is a writer, musician, biblical studies teacher, and ESL tutor who finds life too interesting to pick a niche. She has a B.A. in Music and Spanish, a Masters in Library and Information Science, is TEFL.org 168-hour certified to teach English as a second language, and is working towards a Master of Divinity. Jill is a member of Delta Omicron and the International Women's Writing Guild.
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Copyright 2025
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Copyright 2025