How Do You Talk to Preschoolers?

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Read ESL Version Here: A2-B1

Original CEFR Level C1-C2

I went into the new ice cream shop to get a milkshake.

I love milkshakes and this small business uses whole milk, Hershey’s ice cream, and most importantly, no ice. If you put ice in it, it’s not a milkshake! 

Milkshake snobbery aside, it was Sunday afternoon and the small shop, which is really more of an indoor service counter, was crowded with me, two other adults, and two small children. 

The youngest child, a girl, excitedly ordered strawberry ice cream. The man scooping her cone walked over to the register and made silent questioning eye contact with the two adults while shaking what appeared to be an old prescription pill bottle with colored cylinders inside. The woman, I’ll call her the mom, nodded. The ice cream man looked as excited as the children dancing and skipping around the small customer area in the way young children who can’t keep still will do. 

The ice cream man hid his hands behind the counter, but we adults were tall enough to see his actions. He stuck a birthday cake candle into the scoop of ice cream and lit it. He then joyfully presented the ice cream cone to the little girl while her mom prompted her to blow out the candle, explaining to me that it was the girl’s birthday. 

I thought we might sing because that’s usually the social response to the announcement that it is a child’s birthday, especially when the child is about to blow out a candle, but the adults only clapped when the candle went out. No one told the girl that it was the ceiling fan and not her puff that extinguished the flame. What would be the point of ruining her happiness? 

When the girl turned around, strawberry ice cream cone happily gripped in her hands, I asked her, “How old are you?” That’s the social script, right? 

The man, I’ll call him the dad, prompted her, “Can you show her how old you are?”

The girl held up four fingers.

I had reached the end of my knowledge of the script for these types of situations. I knew a response was required from me, but what? 

Did I cheerfully wish the girl, “Happy fourth birthday!”?

No, I did not. Instead, I turned into an excited puppy. “Four!” I exclaimed like it was the news I had been waiting to hear all my life, “That’s exciting!” At which point I realized that I sounded like my mother who always said to enjoy whatever age we were at because we would never be that age again.

The smiling girl looked down to concentrate on taking a bite of ice cream. I’m pretty sure she was happier about the treat than some random woman chirping at her in that voice adults only use with the very young and the very old. 

The boy spoke up. “I’m five.”

That needed a response, but what?

I still have no clue how to respond to such a statement, but in the moment, Excited Puppy energy took over again.

“Five! That’s also very exciting because next year you’ll be six,” I frantically realized that I was implying that six is better than five and tried to backtrack, “And last year, you were four!”

Apparently Excited Puppy thinks all five year olds know how to count well enough to follow that math logic. Or maybe Excited Puppy thinks math riddles are the way to make friends with five-year-olds? And why am I using the word “exciting” in the first place? 

The boy must have overlooked my weirdness because after prancing around the shop while eating his ice cream, he came back and nonchalantly told me, “Chocolate ice cream can stain your shirt.”

​His dad explained the backstory for that statement and the boy and I chatted a bit more about t-shirts and ice cream stains and the movie they were going to see until my milkshake was ready and I could escape. 

I texted a friend who has young children and asked if it is normal for adults to turn into Excited Puppy when talking to pre-schoolers. She assured me that it is. She also said that when she worked at a preschool, if she didn’t act excited, then the child would lose interest and wander away. If she did act excited, then more children would walk up to tell their stories. She also said that adults tend to drop the Excited Puppy energy when kids get to be about 10 years old. 

So there’s your tip for talking to the pre-school set: if Excited Puppy wants to come out, let it take over.